My kids are back in school. I’ve made some tough choices over the last 16 years, but let me tell ya, I have never been so unsure of my ability to make the right one as I was when it came to this school stuff.
First of all, we moved, so my youngest spent her summer going back and forth about which school she would attend. What she doesn’t realize is that people come in and out of our lives, but, when you’ve gone to school with basically the same group of kids since the age of three, it’s hard to believe that. And then there’s what I know, but what she doesn’t, about relationships and people in poverty; relationships are even more important, despite how dysfunctional they may be, because sometimes they’re all you have.
I don’t expect my kid to know that, but it’d be nice if I felt as if the education system understood it.
Relationships are important to all of us. We’re designed to be social beings. If you’re living in a world that has zero to limited experiences available, then relationships become even more important, even if it’s with people who aren’t the best for you to be around. Deciding to change schools was a huge decision for my family, especially because of COVID-19. If our county is colored red, will she be invisible in a room full of students and teachers that she doesn’t know?
Brand New
I don’t know anyone there, so it’s not like I have an inside line on who to go to and who to not. Teachers spend more of my kids’ waking hours with them than I do for the most part, so it’s super important to me that my kids have positive ones. So, imagine my hurt when relationships with teachers have been destroyed over this home vs. school fiasco. I have been deleted from social media accounts and blocked by some whom I’ve worked closely with over the years, and it all boils down to being forced to pick a side.
I’ve been told a lot of things about my decision. I try to hold my tongue because I don’t want to argue with people I like, but damn. Enough. Stop attempting to make me feel as if I am the enemy because I am making the choice that I feel is best for my family. I’ve been told by teachers that they aren’t babysitters. Well, good, because I’ve never been in need of a babysitter and they’d be out of a job for sure. I’ve been told by teachers that they aren’t responsible for keeping the economy going. Well, good, because we would be screwed every summer when they’re on school break. It’s ridiculous, in my opinion. Yelling at me, blaming and accusing me, and blocking me on social media accounts is not going to sway me from what I feel my family needs.
Parents are always judged, especially parents in poverty. We don’t care enough. We don’t do enough. We don’t value education enough. We don’t feed our kids enough. I know you’ve heard these things, too, and, depending on who’s reading this, I bet you’ve said them. A lack of understanding – a lack of acknowledgment – of poverty in the education system has allowed them to talk right over the fact that if you live in poverty, you live in crisis, especially if you are a woman and/or a person of color.
Many In West Virginia
Poverty is trauma. I don’t care if that looks like mom lying in bed for nights, unable to sleep, wondering how she’s going to pay the light bill tomorrow because her kid was sick three days before, forcing her to use the bill money for co-pays and meds, or if it’s an increased risk of domestic violence, or if it’s an essential worker terrified of getting sick and losing his job; it’s unrelenting trauma.
And most of our state, because we have one of the highest poverty rates, is experiencing this all the time! Imagine what it’s like to wrap your everyday trauma in a COVID-19 blanket!
I am responsible for making the best choices I can for my children. That’s my job. I am not a babysitter either. I eat, drink, and breathe these kids’ lives and take my parental responsibilities very seriously. So seriously, in fact, that I want a teacher to teach them because I am not trained to do it. I want their relationships to be taking place in person so they can lay those blasted phones down. I want their lives to be as rich as they can be, especially because so many of us aren’t.
Stop blaming parents. It makes relationships almost impossible, and life is all about relationships. Here’s to a great school year!
Onward,
Amy Jo
