My first experience with childbirth was an emergency C-section. I had been induced because my chick was overdue and I was, thankfully, in the hospital when all hell broke loose, requiring the emergency procedure. We were released when she was three days old. After her birth, everything was normal.
I was given typical instructions following my C-section. I was told that I wasn’t supposed to lift anything that weighed more than my baby (9 pounds, for perspective), and I was told to not drive for six weeks. And oh, there was that unattractive binder I had to live in until it felt as if my reproductive organs weren’t falling out with every cough.
Self-employment was my work at that time, working as a caregiver for my stepdad who had his leg amputated in an accident. He was in a wheelchair and that lifting restriction was a big one. I was also his transportation for physical and occupational therapies and dialysis, which I wasn’t allowed to do. Paid leave wasn’t a thing because self-employment meant that when I didn’t work, I didn’t get paid. We had to hire a service provider for transportation and I had to rely on the help of others.
My second child had to be delivered by a scheduled C-section because of the problems with my first delivery. Same instructions: no driving, no lifting anything heavier than my baby (8 pounds this time), and I had a three-year-old at home this time. Again, self-employed, so no paid time off and restrictions highly affected my job. But this time my incision became infected, creating a much longer healing period.
Now, I know the privilege of being self-employed to care for a family member; believe me, that’s not lost on me. I also know that there’s a difference between being your own boss and not having paid sick leave and having an employer and not having paid time off. But, at the end of the day, I couldn’t not work because I was the only parent both times.
The other night I shared a meme quote from Bernie Sanders that read, “You’re a working class mom with a new baby, and you live in Canada. You know how many paid days of leave you get to spend with your baby? 119. If you’re living over the border in Detroit, you get ZERO days with your baby – in the richest country in the world. Unacceptable.”
Immediately, women began sharing not only the meme but their stories.
I read each comment a few times. Story after story about women returning to work soon after giving birth, while their bodies were healing. Healing, as in my case, when I was working with staples in my gut after major surgery … when I was running on fumes every day because I had an infant that required two-hour feedings and then, later, an infant that required two-hour feedings, an infection, and a three year old who required her mama.
Women have had this figured out for decades. If you’re fortunate enough to have a job with paid time off and know you’re pregnant, you start saving the days so you can have maternity leave. That means no vacations because you have to invent your own maternity leave. And it means that you hold your breath the whole time because you don’t know when you’re going to need time off, especially if you have other kids.
I know women who care for their elderly parents and work full-time, praying that everything is OK at home because they don’t have paid time off and can’t afford to not work. I know women who have to choose work over caring for a sick or injured spouse or child because paid leave doesn’t exist. Imagine having to function at work after the death of a family member because you can’t afford to miss work. Either you work, although you can’t emotionally or mentally function, or you lose your job. What kind of jacked-up choice is that?
Women, we’re resilient as hell, we know that, but that’s not a great character trait when it means that, instead of working to change the system that leaves us with ridiculous choices or none at all, we adjust our lives to work within that system. I experienced a barrage of emotions the other night while reading the comments women had left on my meme post. Enough!
We need to demand paid leave the way we demand people follow the rules in the pickup circle at our kids’ schools. I want to hear your story of sacrifice due to choosing between your job/financial need or your family. Let’s #RattleTheWindows!
We’re due to be recognized for what we bring to our communities, our employers, our families, and our country.
Onward,
Amy Jo
