Well, since we actually received some of the miserable weather we were promised recently and since the topic, I’m going to explore today probably will earn me more enemies than friends, I just may as well have at it and get it over with.
As some of you readers may know, I devoted my professional life attempting to teach students the finer points of the English language, first for four years at Linsly Military Institute (now the Linsly School) and during the ensuing 37 years at West Liberty State College (now West Liberty University). And for anyone who cares, teaching English at any level (I’ve taught at all of them except for grade school) can be an arduous task. To be clear, I’m not talking about literature here; I’m talking about plain, old, English grammar. Some students (rare ones) love it, others tolerate it, and the rest despise it.
While in a perfect world everyone would use proper grammar, of course, that will never eventuate; my quarrel is solely with those students who majored in English and/or journalism and subsequently subject readers and listeners to the kind of grammatical errors that make those who deliver them embarrassments to their profession. Just the other day my brother sent me a clipping from the USA Today in which the reporter wrote, “…the quarterback should have RAN up the middle.” Now this error is particularly egregious for two reasons: First, of course, the writer should have known to use run instead of ran. Second, newspapers and magazines pay copy editors to catch and correct mistakes. This example is just one of myriad errors you read and hear daily. Of course, there are those who will simply dismiss such criticism by saying, “You know what he or she meant.” To those I say check the following out.
The other day when I come to work, me and my boss had an argument. He thought he seen me doing something to the coffee pot, and I told him it wasn’t I. Then he lost his temper. Now I knew I should have went home, but I didn’t. I just stood there as he made a fool of hisself, but I never said nothing the whole time.
Of course, we know what the speaker meant in the passage above; nevertheless, there are six unacceptable errors in it. The next time you are out and about, listen and watch for them. They are everywhere!
It’s Here Now!
I warned you that it was coming, and now it’s here. Winter people can rejoice, and the rest of us can just be miserable. In the meantime keep these dates in mind; pitchers and catchers report on Feb. 14 (maybe); daylight saving time returns on March 13; first day of spring is March 20; hang in there.
The Little Engine That Couldn’t.
Ever since before Christmas, I have been trying to exchange something, and it has turned into a nightmare. Two weeks before Christmas I ordered a miniature train, and when it came, the engine was broken. I called the company, three days after Christmas, and after apologizing profusely, the woman on the phone said she would send me a new engine.
Almost a month later I received a package from the company, and I eagerly opened it to find my new engine. But … Hold it!
The package did not contain a new locomotive. Instead, I got a regular train car and more track. Back to the phone I went, and this time I asked to speak with a supervisor. I went through the whole story again, and she told me she would take care of it. Another twenty days passed, and I received another package from the company. I opened it, and there it was staring back at me – another train car and more extra track.
Now I wasn’t feeling so nice when I got another supervisor on the line. This one put me on hold for what seemed like four days listening to horrendous music while she checked inventory. Finally, she came back on the line to inform me that the company had 400 engines in stock. This one promised to take care of the matter herself. More time (I quit counting the days.) passed before the familiar-looking package arrived. Once again I began it opening slowly this time. Finally, I opened the box, SURPRISE! There it was: another car and more track.
Now when I reached still another different supervisor, she became a bit testy upon hearing my sad tale and said she would send me another engine only after I sent the defective locomotive back along with the other cars and extra track. (I now have enough track to run the train once around the world.) She said the company would pay for the shipping. I then asked to speak to someone with more authority, and I was informed it would have to be a callback in 24 to 48 hours. I told her to forget that and connect me with a different supervisor. More waiting with lousy music.
Finally, a woman came on the line, and she obviously was familiar with my case. She patiently, and pleasantly, explained it was a company policy not to replace anything until the defective one was returned. I let her know, nicely, that I would not surrender my damaged engine until I received a replacement. She replied, sweetly, that she would waive the company policy and send me a new locomotive posthaste.
I’m waiting!
Ponder This:
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
~ Steven Wright
I guess the train supplier just lost track!
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