All Aboard!
Yesssirreee! That little engine who couldn’t survived the trip from Illinois to Wheeling and is now resting safely in its roundhouse eagerly awaiting its first trip. It’s a Green Bay Packers’ train, and it should have been available last weekend to carry an outplayed team away from Lambeau after losing a playoff game to the San Francisco 49ers. The ghost of Vince Lombardi is highly pissed!
Something Was Off!
A few days ago after I awakened, I had the strangest feeling. I didn’t feel ill at all, but it just felt as if something were off. After quickly surveying my room, I ruled out having misplaced any of my belongings.
After taking a shower and getting dressed, I went to the kitchen where my wife was preparing breakfast, and I asked whether I looked ill. She replied, “Not any more than usual.” I thanked her for that comforting reply and decided to look around the house and see if anything might be out of place, but my search revealed absolutely nothing amiss in the house. Now I didn’t know where to turn. Was it possible that I was ill and didn’t look it or feel it? No matter what I did or what I looked at or what I read, I still felt this weird sensation that something was missing in my life. I did have no appetite whatsoever, and so I just picked my way through the nice breakfast my wife had made.
After excusing myself from the breakfast table, I wandered into the living room hoping that something there might trigger in me a memory or some weird thing that made me feel as if I were walking around with something missing in my life. Suddenly I had a brainstorm. I went to the bathroom and grabbed the thermometer. Although I usually can tell when I have a fever, but I was trying to eliminate all possible reasons for my malaise. This had to be a solution. A very low-grade fever could be just enough to make me feel off a bit. Much to my disappointment, the thermometer read 97.4. Surely a temperature like that couldn’t be causing me to feel so weird.
In desperation, I went into the living room and sat down in my favorite chair, where I do my best thinking. And I automatically grabbed the remote and clicked on the TV. Then I had a stroke of genius, and I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t thought of it earlier. I would call my brother, And I would see whether or not he could shed any light on the subject. He’s six years younger than I am, but he reads about 100 newspapers a day and seems to know something about everything. If anyone would have the answer, it would be he.
He answered on the second ring, and after the obligatory amenities, I dived right in. I explained that I was battling a strange feeling that I could not pinpoint. He asked me to describe the feeling with one adjective. (See how smart he is. How many people do you know who would use the word adjective in requesting something?) I quickly wracked my brain, but all I could come up with was empty, and so I used it. “I just feel empty, like something in the universe is out of whack.”
There was a long pause at the other end of the line. Finally he said, “You don’t feel sick exactly, but you just feel kind of listless, and you have trouble concentrating on anything.” I couldn’t believe it. He had described my symptoms perfectly. Before I could reply, he added to my amazement by saying, “I know exactly what you’re going through. I had it yesterday, until I figured it out. Then it went away.” By this time my curiosity definitely had got the better of me to the point that I could barely speak.
“What is it? Is it contagious? How did you get rid of it?” I babbled. I could hear my brother chuckling softly on the other end of the line.
“Come on, Bro. I’m dying here!”
“All right. Calm down. I’ll cure you momentarily. Pay attention. What is next month?”
“February,” I said.
“And what happens in February?”
“Valentine’s Day?”
“Think sports,” he said.
“The Super Bowl?”
“And what will be unusual about this one?”
Then it hit me like a bomb. “OMG,” I said. “TOM BRADY WON’T BE PLAYING IN IT!”
As soon as I said those words, the malaise disappeared, and I could feel my temperature go from 97.4 to 98.6. I was cured as soon as I realized Tom Brady would not be playing in the Super Bowl; my world realigned itself, and I was fine. What a powerful catastrophe. I was off to save someone else!
A Little Relief
If you have been miserable during this cold snap, take heart. The local weather prognosticators are saying the temperatures will hit the mid-40s in the latter part of next week. Break out the bikinis, suntan lotion, and surfboards. Well, maybe you could try your surfboard out on that famous sled-riding hill at Oglebay because the “warm” air supposedly isn’t to last more than a few days. Just long enough to give us a glimmer of hope.
Almost Gone
Even though it doesn’t look like it or feel like it yet, there are some favorable signs ahead. For one thing, tomorrow is the final day of January. That’s a big hurdle to clear on our way to March 20, the first day of spring. And February is a gloriously short month, and it’s especially great this year now that Tom Brady isn’t playing in the Super Bowl. Don’t forget to buy your sweetheart a Valentine, and we move on to March and just 20 days until SPRING!
Ponder This!
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
