Changing the way we view community has been something that’s been heavy on my mind lately.
I wrote earlier in the week about community gardens and how small changes can be made/added/designed to make the “community” in gardens more of a feeling than a synonym for “neighborhood.” When we become a part of our community, we can do a much better job at operating as a community, but we have to open the doors for that kind of relationship to take root.
Let me give you an example.
A few years ago, I designed and led a ministry for single-mom families. The ministry was called BAD (Borrowing A Dad) and served a small group of single moms and their kiddos. Meetings were once a month at various sites and designed to nurture the whole family. Essentially, the kiddos borrowed dads for two hours a month.
The groups would schedule their meetings around an event each month that would allow for an activity for the borrowed dads and kids, such as fishing at a local park, while also providing the moms a space to have a small group discussion. Everyone was together on site but the kids and borrowed dads would go one way while we moms would go the other. We were still there to kiss boo-boos and do potty trips, but the whole purpose was to create for us, the single moms, a safe place with others who understood everything that we were going through while, at the same time, the borrowed dads provided an intentional space for our kids to grow and nurture relationships with male role models.
Borrowed Dads
What took place within that group was life changing. The single moms formed a community that took care of each other. We wrapped around each other all the time, even if just to call and say a quick good morning and check in. We became a family. And our kids? Well, that was perhaps the most wonderful part. Our children formed strong relationships with the borrowed dads; relationships that continued outside of the group and provided what they needed the most and couldn’t get from us moms – positive male role models. I can’t put into words how much it meant that our kids were being nurtured and loved by people who didn’t have to but, rather, who chose to.
The group meant a lot to all of us involved. There was one reason why the BAD group worked: we poured ourselves into it and it, in turn, showered all of the participants with acceptance, understanding, and love. It was as much a feeling as it was a group. We built community. And if that kind of life change can take place from one get together a month, imagine what we could do if we formed that kind of relationship with people who shared our neighborhoods.
I’ve lived in my neighborhood for over 20 years. I like to think that I’m pretty embedded here. I know a lot of people here and seem to usually be kept in the loop as to what’s going on, but I had to seek out involvement. I have a crazy busy schedule so evening Crime Watch meetings weren’t really a possibility for me, but I did become very involved at my kids’ elementary school, which allowed me to meet and get to know the parents of the other kids.
Knowing Neighbors
Truth be told, it was the elementary PTO that allowed me to become active and invested in my neighborhood by allowing me the opportunity to get to know the families here. It was important to me that I knew my kids would be watched out for by my community when I wasn’t there.
So, what if we all sought that kind of relationship within our neighborhoods? What if we knew that if someone hadn’t seen us leave our house for a couple of days that they would come and check on us to make sure we were okay? What if we had the kind of relationship that my friend Courtney told me about the other day. She and another single mom went to the grocery store in their own vehicles so they could take turns standing between the two cars and interacting/watching over the children so they wouldn’t have to take the kiddos into the store during these COVID-19 days. That’s the kind of community that can bring about the changes we need because they nurture each other and encourage growth.
Imagine the difference if we began living in a way that encouraged taking care of each other and building a sustainable network of neighbors. That can look like a community garden or a community childcare arrangement when emergency needs arise. I’ve had discussions with folks about what it would look like if communities began opening small grocery stores in areas where there isn’t one. But we have to start opening the doors and encouraging relationships and trust in each other.
Hopefully, these days of social distancing and stay-at-home orders will help us to realize that we should be able to rely on each other, especially during emergencies, in a way that makes us more connected to each other and less dependent on government and policies. If we take the time to get to know each other, our biases will begin to disappear. We would begin to see each other as more than our circumstances and begin to realize that we have different skill sets but are still able to contribute something to the greater good.
Unprecedented
There are people in food pantry lines now who have never been there before because of this pandemic. People have lost their jobs and, in turn, are facing the loss of their health insurance. I’ve read about people losing thousands of dollars from their retirement accounts. Many of us don’t know how we’re going to feed our families or pay our rent. And wouldn’t it be nice if we knew that we weren’t in this alone and that there were people beside us who served as our safety net.
Pockets of this type of community have already formed. There are groups focused on county feeding systems and the needs of the elderly. There are people willing to help strangers celebrate their senior students’ graduations. Heck, someone even paid for my cup of coffee for me the other day in the drive thru line.
People are wrapping around people right now, proving that the idea isn’t too far-fetched. We are really good at identifying needs and making arrangements to have them met, so let’s keep doing more of that. Let’s put our neighbors back into our communities.
Stay home. Wash your hands. Stay well. Wave and smile at your neighbor.
Onward,
Amy Jo
