(Publisher’s Note: Guest columnist Miki Maxwell grew up in Jacobsburg with her parents and younger sister. Her folks taught her the value of hard work from a young age, and it served her well throughout life. She was a multi-sport athlete at Linsly and played college softball at nearby Washington & Jefferson, graduating in 1999 with a teaching degree. She’s the former athletics director, softball and girls’ basketball coach at Bishop Donahue and now teaches are Wheeling Country Day while still finding time to help coach her three daughters’ softball teams. Maxwell and her husband have worked to instill the same values and pride in work and effort in their daughters.)
Parents:
Have you recognized the following beauty in the current ashes of our general circumstances: Your kids are stepping up to tackle responsibilities they had not before this challenging time; they may be making their lunch while you take a working lunch from home. They may eagerly prepare their needed items in the workspace you have created with them in anticipation of the following day’s Zoom or another online learning opportunity.
I am sorry to sound pessimistic, but I hypothesize that much of these behaviors will pass. Yes, some will stick, but at the very least, the overall excitement of measuring out the Tide and pushing the button for the Heavy Soil Cycle will fizzle.
In any case, all of the adjustments have caused me to contemplate the noun that so readily crosses my mind when my kids make a fuss about the tasks required of them – dare I type it? – laziness.
I know, you likely have never allowed such a word to define your angels. Perhaps I have reached the age that has finally stripped me of my guilt for my imperfections, but frankly, I physically cringe when one of my girls complains she should not have to pick up that cup because she was not the one who placed it there.
First off, how many times have I cleaned a cup, shirt, desk, car seat, floor, dog, for which I wasn’t directly responsible? Secondly, and the main point of this message, it seems pretty lazy to me to complain about merely picking up a cup and walking it one, two at the most, rooms over to the sink.
Our Job as “Mom”
Ok. So, I know that some of you, who are far more patient and compassionate than I, are now arguing that it may have been equally as lazy for me to avoid picking up that responsibility that wasn’t mine and shifting the focus to the child. However, I assure you, merely picking up that dish myself would have been far less time-consuming and stressful. But our job as “Mom” stretches much more now than just picking up clutter.
I digress.
About what I once tended to consider “laziness” with my children: Is it?
Or are our children reacting to change and growth that, in truth, can be quite uncomfortable?
No matter how self-sufficient and independent we pride ourselves to believe we have made our children, their very nature is one of complete dependence. We slowly wean kids off our encumbrance without even recognizing it for that growth. Think of teaching them to eat with a spoon or drink from a cup. Self-feeding is progress from reliance on you to provide the bites and sips, but even as our children become adolescents and teens, they still profoundly trust in their caregivers for food to eat, a bed to sleep, a car to transport. And those are just a sparse few of the distinct physical needs without even mentioning the emotional counsel, support, and love we offer. As adults, we have learned to provide these items for ourselves, whether individually or in part through a mate, we have chosen.
Not Laziness? Then What?
So, is it laziness we see, or is it something else? I remember when I first started running when the first quarter mile was easy. Fun even. Why hadn’t I been doing this all along? Then sweat, muscle fatigue, and rapid heartbeat commenced, and reality transcended. I wanted to walk. Not necessarily quit at this point but walk. The desire to stop did come eventually … well, around the 800-meter mark to be honest, but I didn’t.
I would not consider that laziness. I would consider that behavior as a reaction to discomfort and change. I think we should only find it apathy when we have the ability and need to continue but choose not to.
The same goes for our kids. While this transition from co-dependence to independence may often feel uncomfortable and burdensome to them, it is our job to allow them to suffer through a little. Expect them to complain when what they consider hard work presents.
But also expect them to try it. So much faster than we think, their 800-meter mark becomes mile marker 26 of the marathon.
