Dear Young Sports Fans:
When we caught the winning touchdown, we pretended to be Lynn Swann or Hines Ward on those old sandlots. If we threw it, well, we celebrated just as Terry Bradshaw or Ben Rothlisberger used to when they wore the black and gold.
You? Now? Kenny Pickett, no doubt.
If it was the winning goal? Well, of course, we were wearing #66, and we were hearing echoes of the legendary Mike Lange off in the distance saying “Lemmmmoooooooo …”
You? Now?
“Syd the Kid,” correct? #87? Ya know, the guy named Crosby who’s hoisted three Stanley Cups?
The no-hitter? The diving stop? The over-the-wall grab? The game-winning base hit? The upper-deck grand slam?
Well, we pretended to be “Candy Man” John Candelaria and infielder Jay Bell and centerfielder Andy Van Slyke and Hall of Famers Roberto Clemente and Willie Stargell. And yeah, we had “Pops” and his batter’s-box windmill warmup down pat because there was no better hitter in the clutch than #8.
You? Now?
Justin Verlander? Freddie Freeman? Mike Trout? Shohei Ohtani? Aaron Judge?
Wait. What? A Met, a Dodger, a couple of Angels, and a Yankee?
No Pirates role models to emulate? To dream to be?
What about, um … and there’s … Oh, and …
You’re right. All traded away – again – like a Pirates puppy mill.
Sincerely,
The Pessimistic Parents of Those Crying Kids
(Art by Bob Dombrowski)
No use purchasing a Pirates Jersey.
They will not be there very long.
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