(Publisher’s Note: This is the fourth in a series of “FAKE NEWS satires that will publish each Sunday evening on LEDE News.)
Former president Donald Trump and his son Eric were in Wheeling this week to propose to city leaders and executives of Wheeling Island Hotel-Casino-Racetrack a new 18-hole golf course on Wheeling Island.
The one and only rendering presented by the Trump Organization displays the proposed course on the south end of the Island between the casino’s property line and Delaware Street. The included area currently has more than 400 homes and businesses, but Trump explained his plan calls for the purchase and demolition of the parcels to clear the way for the development.
A press release distributed to the media by the Trump Organization stated the development would cost more than $600 billion and would employ as many as 3,000 construction workers. Once operational, according to the release, the facility would create more than 100 full-time employment opportunities.
“This is a movement. It is a movement going on. We want to take Wheeling Island back. Wheeling Island is disappearing. You look at the kind of deals we make,” Trump said in a telephone interview. “You look at what’s happening, Wheeling Island is going in the wrong direction, and so wrong, and it’s got to be stopped, and it’s got to be stopped fast.
“I am the chosen one. Somebody had to do it, so I’m taking on the south end,” he said. “And you know what? We’re going to win. By the way, just a question, did President Obama ever come to Wheeling Island?”
Bigger the Better
The aerial rendering of the project does not include Wheeling Island Stadium or any of the casino’s property, but the former POTUS said he has had talks with administrators of Ohio County Schools concerning the possible purchase of Wheeling Island Stadium. Trump also said he’s reached a partnership agreement with the casino’s parent company, Delaware Southeast, about acquiring a portion of its parking lot for the construction of a golf course clubhouse and golf cart and equipment storage structure.
The permanent structures, however, would have to be raised at least 20 feet because of Wheeling Island’s flood plain designation. The casino’s first level usually floods when the Ohio River crests above 33 feet.
“Remember ‘The Apprentice’? Of course, you do. We had tremendous success on ‘The Apprentice’ and, when I ran for President, I had to leave the show; that’s when I knew for sure I was doing it, and they hired a big, big movie star, Arnold Schwarzenegger, to take my place, and we know how that turned out,” Trump said. “The ratings went right down the tubes; it’s been a total disaster so never, ever bet against Trump again.
“The city of Wheeling shouldn’t bet against Trump either,” the country’s 45th president said. “I’ve been briefed on every contingency you can possibly imagine. Many contingencies. A lot of—a lot of positive. Different numbers. All different numbers. Very large numbers. And some small numbers too, by the way. If Wheeling bets against Trump, it’ll be a witch hunt.”
A Wall, Too
The press release offered several details about the development, including the construction of a new hotel tower with 76 rooms, the creation of a small hill on which to construct the clubhouse and two other structures, and the construction of a border wall along the property’s northern border with an admittance gate at the intersection of South York and Delaware streets.
South York Street, in fact, would be the only roadway that would survive the proposed transformation. The border wall would extend from the borders of the front and back channels of the Ohio River. Fencing, the release stated, would be erected along both shorelines.
“I want a strong border. I do want a wall. Walls do work; you just have to speak to the folks in Israel. Walls work if they’re properly constructed,” Trump said. “I know how to build; believe me, I know how to build.
“I don’t mind having a big, beautiful gate in that wall so that people can come into this resort legally,” he insisted. “But the people who have ruined this Island have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.”
There are many golf courses in the Wheeling area, including Ogleaby’s Crispin, Jones, and Palmer courses. Trump, who owns 17 golf resorts worldwide and 12 in the United States, said he explained he first discovered Oglebay’s Wilson Lodge when he visited with then-mistress Marla Maples.
“I have been to Oglebay. Of course, I’ve been to Oglebay. It’s a beautiful place. Very beautiful,” Trump said. “The golf courses are nice, but they aren’t spectacular. I build spectacular things, and Wheeling Island will be spectacular.
“My golf properties have hosted more PGA and LPGA events than any other in the whole world, and I will absolutely bring them to Wheeling Island, too,” he said. “I like thinking big. If you’re going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big. I have made the tough decisions, always with an eye toward the bottom line. Perhaps it’s time the city of Wheeling was run like a business.”
