They Said What?
Well, football season is in full swing, and in addition to binge-watching as many games as I can, I also like listening to the colorful language of the announcers. As one who spent my professional career attempting to teach college students the finer points of the English language, I always enjoyed pointing out to them the mistakes that professional radio and television announcers make during their broadcasts. But even more amusing than the myriad grammatical errors to be heard on the daily airwaves are the colorful hyperbolic statements sports reporters make while they are calling a football game.
They All Do It
As you read through the following examples, please keep in mind that they are not isolated incidents. These are statements that I have heard various different announcers make time and time again throughout the years. In fact, some of them have been repeated so often that they can be considered sports announcers’ clichés.
Where The Future Lies
When they are talking about a team comprising a lot of young players, announcers often make comments and predictions about how the team will fare in the coming months or years. However, the ultimate statement about what to expect from a team is the following perceptive observation: “Their future is ahead of them.” Is there ever a time when the future is behind something? I think not!
The Keys To Victory
Throughout football broadcasts the announcers constantly analyze what each team needs to do in order to win. Some networks even include graphics with various keys to victory posed by the announcers. These often include things like “taking care of the ball,” “avoiding turnovers,” “controlling the clock,” and “being able to run the football.” All of these so-called victory keys pale beside this erudite statement: “The team that scores the most points will win the game.” I spent a great deal of time trying to recall a time when the team that scored the most points lost the game, and I just can’t do it.
That’s A Long Time
This next example may be the most common one, and I seriously doubt that anyone who watches football on television hasn’t heard it on countless occasions. When the quarterback drops back for a pass, and his protection is particularly good, the announcer will often say, “He has all day to throw the ball.” Consider this for a moment.
Let’s assume that the offensive lines for both teams are so good that each quarterback “has all day to throw the ball.” The implications are fascinating. One game could go on for days or even weeks as the quarterbacks take “all day to throw the ball.” Can you imagine how long it would take to play a 12-game schedule?
An Amazing Feat
During the telecast of any football game, you will hear numerous references to various players’ special abilities for running, passing, catching, and kicking the football, but I can honestly say that I had never heard anything like this next observation. The announcers were praising the running prowess of a particular player, but instead of saying how fast he could run or how elusive he was, the announcer came up with this gem: “He runs with his eyes.”
Now just think about that one for a minute. If the player is running “with his eyes,” what are his legs and feet doing? And where are they while this “eye-running” is going on? You certainly can’t find many players who can “run with their eyes.”
A Meteorological Observation
Now I have watched a lot of football games, and I have heard announcers say some very strange things. But I think this one may top all of them. The game was being played during very windy conditions that wreaked havoc with the ball every time it was passed or kicked. The quarterbacks were having trouble completing their passes, and the kickers were struggling to control their punts and make their field goals.
Naturally the wind was a key topic for the announcers, and it prompted one of them to make the following profound conclusion: “Remember that there is more wind on the field than there is in the press box.” Was he implying that perhaps the officials should move the game off the field and into the press box? I realize that many of these stadiums have enormous press boxes, but where would all the reporters and media people go if the game were moved inside where there is less wind?
A Final Thought
After considering some of the things I have heard during football game broadcasts throughout the years, I think I may take exception to the announcer who made the statement about the wind. I have certainly watched a number of games where there was a lot more wind in the press box than there was on the field.
A Legend in Trouble
By now probably everyone in the Western World has either read or heard about the hard times that have befallen legendary college football coach Urban Meyer. In his 17 years as a head coach at Bowling Green (17-6), Utah (22-2), Florida (65-15), and Ohio State (83-9), Meyer compiled a record of 187-32 (.854) including three national championships (2 at Florida and 1 at Ohio State) and a bowl record of 12-3. After a brief stint in broadcasting, Meyer returned to the sidelines this season as the head coach of the Jacksonville Jaguars, and so far that has been a disaster. Meyer’s team currently stands at 0-4 after what the coach called “a heartbreaking” loss to the Bengals on a last-second field goal a week ago. Apparently that loss was just too much for Meyer, who didn’t fly back to Jacksonville with his team (a huge no-no in the NFL), opting instead to visit a bar in Columbus with his name on it. It was here that a video of Meyer and a woman who was not his wife appeared to be auditioning for a remake of “Dirty Dancing.” (That’s a joke!) Naturally the video went viral, and apparently the coach has apologized to his team and its owner, and that’s where things stand right now. The Jaguars have a home date with the Tennessee Titans today, and who knows what will happen if Jags lose again. It may send the disgraced coach scurrying back to the friendly confines of Columbus. Don’t forget. His teams beat Michigan seven consecutive times. Stay tuned.
Ponder This:
“I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister.”
~ Will Marsh
