I have something of a reputation for telling jokes that just don’t quite make it.
If you’re easily offended, it’s probably time to stop reading and find something else with which to occupy your funny bone.
Most of my humorous attempts are “groaners” and “dad jokes,” but if I’ve learned one thing about humor, it is that there needs to be a morsel of truth wrapped in even the worst attempt.
The teller also needs to try more than once before they actually find stuff that is legitimately funny.
Or legitimately not funny. I have lots of those.
I’ve always wanted to laugh with other other people and strive to avoid laughing at them. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve told the story to my follicly challenged friends that that’s not baldness, it’s “a solar panel for a sex machine.”
If you’re bald, you may as well either work through it, or head (pun intended) for the Hair Club.
I had a salesman friend who insisted that baldness was caused by an excess of testosterone. There was not even a wisp of hair on his head! You could hear his wife’s eye roll from the next zip code.
We all get handed what we’re going to have to genetically, and we may as well learn to make the best of it.
Did I tell you that I quit smoking 150 lbs. ago?
That was funny until about 2005 (I quit smoking cigarettes on July 18, 2001).
Of course, I still tell that quip. My wife has to be sick of hearing it. Eye roll. We are in Wheeling, so it can be heard in the next state! Sometimes I tell jokes that I could never get away with if I didn’t have an incredibly strong relationship with “my starter wife.”
Like this golden oldie – “Men don’t get old. Women get old. Men get distinguished.”
A friend who I’ve not seen in decades posted a meme that would have lesser men sleeping on the couch. I chuckled and added “it’s been nice knowing you” to the list.
He wouldn’t have posted that if he didn’t have a solid relationship with his wife, and I hope she enjoyed it as much as the rest of us did. James, thank you for taking one for the team. What’s that old cliché about laughing long and laughing often?
In closing, I wanted to state emphatically that there is no truth to the rumor that I had a dinosaur for a pet. And no, I wasn’t “a bus boy at the Last Supper.”
But I do hope that this feeble attempt at levity added to your day.
Onward.
