(Publisher’s Note: Anyone who loves live music knows Pam, has met Pam, or has seen Pam at a show, and in case you’re still clueless, one more hint: She’s part of the “wonderful” when it comes to a live and local music environment here in the Upper Ohio Valley. Pam is about the vibe, and yes, her groove adds to it, and if she’s really feeling it, she’ll aim her phone for a live session on Facebook. Pam is a friend, she’s a smile, she loves her musical world, and you’re lucky if you’re allowed in. … Meet Pam. Again.)
Imagine a hundred – no, a thousand – televisions, and each of the units is blaring something different but all in the same voice – YOUR VOICE! – and the messages are all different and in unmatching tones and pitches.
STOP! GO! … What do you mean? I. DON’T. KNOW! … Where are you? … Which way? … IT’S TOO HOT HERE! … Is it raining outside? It’s cloudy. IT IS SUNNY! … Where is everyone? … It’s so dark. … I can feel that. … SOMETHING IS GRABBING ME! Go right. … Left. … No one is here. I’M ALONE! Stand there. … Over there. … Whisper. I SAID WHISPER! But why there? … I feel lost. … I’m going to be sick. … WAIT!!! … Is someone there?
For Pam Ewusiak, those TVs are the workings of the devils deep in the depths of her bipolar disease.
But then she steps into something like an Adrian Niles song …
Talk me down, talk me down.
Talk me down, talk me down.
Abandoned lovers and the bird of prey.
Put bones in the river to throw away.
I’m carving your name in my arm tonight.
Talk me down, talk me down.
I got my ticket for an early flight.
“The only time it all stops is when the music starts,” she confided quietly. “It’s peaceful for me. Sometimes my mind will focus on the drums, or the vocals, or the guitar. It’s like a different world for me. Finally, I’m not spinning myself in circles or yelling at myself. I can close my eyes and just listen to the music, and that is my personal Heaven.”
Ride On
River City. Garbo’s The Prima. McLure House Bar & Grill. The Pittsburgh Winery. The Barrel House. 19th Hole. Oglebay. Undo’s.
The Follansbee resident gets around.
“Hey, I love live music, and I love being around musicians who play the music that I really enjoy,” Ewusiak said. “There have been times a day later I go see a band perform when my brain is still quiet, and that is a blessing because being bipolar sucks, and I was diagnosed in my 40s, but I think I’ve been bipolar since I was 5 years old.
“For me, it’s a mental up and a mental down, and most of the time I catch the positive rides, but not all of the time. There are those negatives when I just seem to be yelling all of these horrible things at myself, and I can’t make sense of any of it,” she explained. “But yeah, the music scares it all off.”
It was a gift she gave herself 20 years ago when, for her 46th birthday, Ewusiak put the buzz down.
“That’s when I quit drinking and doing all kinds of stuff, and I started to concentrate on doing positive things. I had decided no more drinking and no more smoking,” she admitted. “That’s when I told myself that I could either sit in this town and die of depression, or you can go out wherever and behave.
“I decided to go out, and what I ended up doing was rewarding myself by going to see live music wherever it may be. That’s why it seems like I’m everywhere,” Ewusiak laughed. “If there is a show I can possibly get to, I go. I love it that much.”
Ticking Clock
She’s more worried about how much life she has left now that she’s a non-smoker and non-drinker than when she was passing out behind the wheel with the engine running.
But that is only because Ewusiak has realized how much time she’s lost because of those drinks and smokes. “You don’t realize what you’re doing to yourself when you’re doing it to yourself. You don’t,” she said smartly.
“But you realize it when you don’t feel it anymore. You don’t feel it in your lungs or in your head. Your brain doesn’t ache anymore,” Ewusiak explained. “It’s what I used to get away from the voices, but I figured out that’s not I what I needed anyway.”
So, she searches for ways to fill her days.
“I am always looking for new things to do in the Valley, but I will tell you that we do have a lot of fun things around here,” Ewusiak said. “But now that I am 66 years old, I feel I have to look for more and more so I can experience them before my time runs out. Since I quit drinking and smoking, I decided to live every day the best I can.
“Some people my age want to sit back and relax, but that’s not me. That’s why I am always going full throttle,” she said with a laugh. “I just want to do what I haven’t done and then go to a great show afterward.”
But which show? What artist?
“Well, of course, I have my favorites. That’s human nature. But when I say I love them all, I really mean it,” Ewusiak insisted. “We’re lucky we have so much talent around here because it doesn’t matter if you’re listening to cover songs or originals. There’s really no bad music around here.
“And it’s all different, too. Every cover band seems to play a different era of music, and the singer/songwriters are all very unique,” she explained. “I know we have some famous folks from here, but it amazes me it doesn’t happen more often. That’s how impressed I am with the music scene around here.”
