Some of the best advice I have ever received did not come from a leadership seminar, a bestselling book, or an expensive conference. It came in a much simpler form. Don’t be a jerk.
It sounds almost too obvious to be worth saying, yet the older I get, the more I realize how much better our workplaces, schools, communities, and even churches and homes would be if we all tried a little harder to live by those four words.
Growing up in the Valley, I believe people noticed how you treated others. Your reputation was built one interaction at a time. Your neighbors might go to your church. The cashier at the grocery store knew your mom. Your teacher may have been your mom. The person pumping gas beside you might coach your son’s baseball team.
There was an understanding that you should treat people with respect because you were almost certain to see them again.
Somewhere along the way, that lesson became a little blurry.
Today, it seems easier than ever to criticize someone we have never met. Social media has made complete strangers feel comfortable saying things they would never dream of saying face to face. A disagreement quickly becomes an insult.
A different opinion becomes a personal attack. Everyone wants to get the last word, but very few people are interested in listening.
I often wonder what would happen if every social media platform required us to sit across a kitchen table from the person we were about to criticize. My guess is that many comments would never be written, and don’t even get me started on the bots.
The truth is that kindness has never gone out of style. It simply gets drowned out by the noise. So much noise.
I have met people who held impressive titles and possessed extraordinary talent, yet they left a room feeling colder because they treated others as though they were beneath them. I have also met people whose names will never appear in print, who quietly made every person around them feel valued. Ask yourself which one you would rather spend an afternoon with. I think the answer is obvious.
Life has a way of reminding us that everyone is carrying something. The cheerful coworker may be caring for an aging parent. The distracted customer may have just left a doctor’s appointment. The young mother trying to calm a crying toddler is probably far more embarrassed than annoyed. The older gentleman moving slowly through the checkout line may simply be grateful he can still make the trip himself. We know so little about the battles other people are fighting. That is why grace matters.
Holding the door, saying thank you, smiling at a stranger, letting someone merge into traffic, or taking an extra minute to truly listen may seem like ordinary gestures. Sometimes they are exactly what another person needs.
My parents taught me that character is revealed when no one is watching. It is easy to be pleasant when life is going your way. It takes real character to remain courteous when you are tired, frustrated, disappointed, or convinced someone else is wrong. Being kind does not mean being weak.
You can disagree without becoming disagreeable. You can stand firmly for your beliefs while treating someone else with dignity. You don’t have to go straight for the jugular. It takes work.
Some of the strongest people I know have mastered that balance. They do not have to shout to make their point. They do not tear someone else down to lift themselves up. Their confidence speaks for itself.
One lesson I learned over the years is that people rarely remember every word you said. They remember how you made them feel. Long after the meeting is over, they remember whether they felt respected. The same lesson applies whether you are serving in elected office, leading a business, coaching a child’s team, or simply being a neighbor. Your legacy is built in ordinary moments.
Children notice those moments too. They watch how we speak to restaurant servers, utility workers, teachers, store clerks, and people who cannot offer us anything in return. They are paying attention when we think they are not. Perhaps that is the greatest reason not to be a jerk. Someone is always learning from our example.
West Virginians have always been known for helping one another. We show up after floods. We organize food drives. We fill church pews and provide food for funerals. We cheer for children who are not even our own. That spirit has always been one of our greatest strengths.
Imagine if we brought that same spirit into our everyday interactions. Imagine if we assumed the best instead of the worst. Imagine if we paused before firing off an angry comment or making a cutting remark. The world would not change overnight, but someone’s world might.
The next time you are tempted to lose your patience, remember that every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Choose kindness. Choose patience. Choose respect.
Those choices will never make the news, but they might make someone’s day.
Sometimes the greatest measure of a person’s character is not found in grand accomplishments. Sometimes, it is found in the quiet decision to treat others a little better than they expected.
It really is that simple. Don’t be a jerk.
