“Ya get what ya get and ya don’t pitch a fit.”
I used to tell my daughters (my “chicks”) this quite often when they were younger in an attempt to avoid an argument over things like the lollipops given by the bank teller. I wanted them to understand that kindness was to be appreciated and not muddled by what they wished they had been given.
And, truth be told, it was a cute little rhyme that probably stemmed out of my conditioning that life was going to be about accepting what we don’t always want. Ironic stance, eh, from someone who, years later, became labeled as an “activist” and who is known for “rattling the windows.”
What’s that quote about life being amazing and then awful and then amazing again? Because that’s more in line with my thinking these days. Well, I mean, I still think we get what we get on some level, but the not “pitching a fit” part has definitely been edited. Sometimes we have to pitch a fit. Sometimes we have to be the squeaky wheel.
Because sometimes our ordinary isn’t amazing.
Things have really changed for my family over the past year. We have celebrated a high school graduation and a college acceptance. We have chosen online high school over public school. We have learned that second chances aren’t always happy endings when it comes to people we want to love us and have become familiar with the shitty state of adolescent mental health treatment options here. And it took an entire year for me to feel as if maybe I’m rested enough to get back out there.
I find as I grow older that I’m far less about “fighting” systems than organizing to redesign them. I’ve grown tired of the use of that word “fighting” and have intentionally made moves to step away from it. I don’t want to fight anymore. Not with my teenagers, not with my government, not with mental health, not against time….because life may be amazing and then awful, but it’s also short.
Ran into an old friend of mine the other day at the store as she was shopping for her daughter’s baby shower, and I said, “These kids are all grown up. Everything is different now.” My oldest chick is in her last semester as a college freshman. She’s working and has a cool boyfriend. My youngest is in school, working, and is beginning to realize that less focus should be put on what the world thinks is best versus what is actually best for her. And me?
My family has been through it over the past year, forcing me to rethink old patterns and work to find a balance that allows me to embrace and find the beauty in the ordinary. I find that I have a strong desire to pay attention to the details of my life and take steps to make it more efficient and less stressful. You know, I want to do the best I can with what I have, which, surprisingly, I have found becomes a little harder when you have a little more than you’re used to.
I want to challenge my own beliefs and find new ways to approach things. The past couple of years have been rough. Coming to grips with the fact that we have a new “normal” is rough. But there’s some level of intrigue, too, with the idea of redefining boundaries and visions. The days are getting longer and less dark. And I’m grateful for the chance to again imagine with a pen in my hand. I hope you’ll hang out here with me as we keep pushing…
Onward,
Amy Jo
