Yesterday was the last day of our vacation. Actually, it was more of a long weekend than a vacation, to be honest. Two of us were scheduled to work today, leaving us to groan that we would have less than 12 hours at home before we had to hit the grind again. We all get a little sad when our trips are over, and I thought about that a lot on the quiet drive home.
On our last night as we hit the boardwalk, my oldest said, “You know, maybe Delaware is it for me.” She’s a bit like me in the fact that she could live just about anywhere. I have never visited a place that I couldn’t live, noting that the heat of the south isn’t my favorite thing. She and I were sitting on a bench yesterday and found ourselves caught in a conversation between two couples, one young and one old, at a coffee shop. The older couple lived there, and the younger man’s family has had a shore house there for his entire life. That conversation bled into COVID-19 and an Australian honeymoon. The older couple had taken their honeymoon there as well 34 years earlier.
My kid and I sat there, silently awkward. I don’t know what she was thinking, but I was thinking that I should tell them that I’ve been to Australia and New Zealand, too. I could have even thrown in Tahiti as a bonus, but I didn’t have the stories that they had because I had been 15 years old and won the trip in a radio contest. My mom and I didn’t know if we were going to be able to go until my cousin took out a loan at his bank and made it possible.
The younger woman had been a teacher for 10 years, but they had decided before they had children that she would stop working to stay home. Their first child was 11 weeks old, and, the way he was cooing and smiling, he was a happy and healthy little guy. She went on to say that her heart broke for the babies at her school who had to be dropped off at six weeks of age, and she couldn’t have a baby if that was the way her child would be raised. She never mentioned the mothers, which was exactly where my head went. What about the mothers who don’t have a choice about child care because they have to work? My heart breaks for them.
Immediately after the older woman stated that the younger mom would never regret staying home, I allowed them to go first. They thought it was an act of kindness when really I was done listening to their stories of a life I’ve never experienced. It also was the beginning of a discussion about how different our lives based on birth.
We aren’t good beach people, for example. The sand drives us all bonkers, especially when it gets in the car or clothes. We also are pretty much afraid of water we can’t see through. Also, I am the only sibling without red hair. I am quite close to being the only non-redhead cousin my age, so the sun isn’t necessarily our friend. We are, however, shore people. We like shells and the surf. Sunsets on the beach have been known to make me cry. We have risen to watch the sun rise over the ocean. But we really aren’t good at the water thing. How different our lives would have been if we would have been born into a family which had a shore house?
The same goes for coming from a family which doesn’t need for the mother to work. What’s that like? How do you marry into that kind of life? What stars align for you to find someone who can either establish their own privilege or use their existing privilege to create that kind of life? How do you find it? And how do you find it when you can’t afford to get there?
It’s stressful for me to cruise by the souvenir shops. We shop at a grocery store in whatever town we’re staying in. What would it look like we lived in a more equitable America that allotted most of the same opportunities? If we were all paid a livable wage then we could afford to save for trips to the ocean. We could buy ridiculous souvenirs and not worry about gas money to get home. We could not have the to fight for paid leave because we wouldn’t have to work while our infant was an infant. Imagine the improvements across the board for families and children if new opportunities and experiences were possible without the stress.
Life really could a beach.
Onward,
Amy Jo
