“Poor mouthing” is a phrase used to describe that thing we do when we portray ourselves to be worse off financially than someone else but yet have nicer and better things. Here’s an example:
I buy a new pair of shoes for my child that cost $80, and then she comes home from school the next day whining about another child who has had two pair of new shoes from the dollar store on in last two days. She pays zero attention to the fact that she had better quality shoes because she was stuck on the fact that the other child had two pairs.
“Stop poor mouthing that child out of her shoes!”
Does that make sense? Another example would be saying something like, “Must be nice to be able to afford a car like that,” looking at a fast food worker in a 2013 Toyota Camry when you’re driving around in one that hasn’t hit 30,000 miles yet. That’s poor mouthing.
We have a lot of this in our society, and I would love to read a study as to why we do it, but, until then, I’m left with my own nonscientific musings. Let me start by saying that I think a huge part of this is that America’s working class has rarely been treated as though what we do matters, especially those of us in the lower socioeconomic brackets, leaving us to feel as if we’re unappreciated and unimportant. These feelings make us want to be seen and, because we’re human, are easily verbalized as feelings of contempt and …well … poor mouthing.
All of us need to feel valued and appreciated, whether that’s as an employee, a parent, a partner, or a community member, and it’s quite easy to see our need for this validation as greater than another’s. Imagine how differently we would view the world if we began valuing each other.
One example that pops into mind is the teacher’s strike. Teachers wanted better pay and more affordable health insurance, which was a fair ask. Hell, we all want better pay and more affordable health insurance. In fact, it was about the same time as the first teacher’s strike that my daughters and I were speaking to members of Congress, urging them to reauthorize CHIP insurance for kids of working-class folks. The deadline was looming, no action by Congress had been decided, and thousands upon thousands of parents were terrified that their kids would be hurt if CHIP wasn’t reauthorized.
I had collected story after story from working class folks about how losing CHIP would impact their children. We had a West Virginia family featured in the L.A. Times because CHIP was literally a matter of life or death for their child. Working parents were begging for Congress to see and value our children. But we didn’t have 10,000 people lining the hallways with us. In fact, we were begging folks to even take a minute to sign an online petition to speak up for our 90,000 West Virginia kids on CHIP.
Who is Worthy?
So, how do we, as a society, decide who’s worthy of affordable health insurance and a livable wage, and who isn’t? I mean, teachers are an invaluable part of our society, without argument, but why doesn’t the CNA who cares for our loved ones deserve the same quality of life? Why is it that we expect and pay for good food and service at restaurants but won’t support our favorite waitress who relies on SNAP to feed her own family? Would you tell your child’s favorite childcare teacher that she doesn’t deserve affordable health insurance, affordable rent, or to buy food?
What if we focused our discussions and decisions on our values rather than on politics? I mean, the teachers are still waiting for promises to be fulfilled because of politics! What if we began to make our election decisions based upon which candidate shares our values and not our party? Most of us want and deserve the same things: a safe and affordable place to live, affordable health insurance, a solid public education system for our children, food, and to be able to afford the basic necessities of life. So, why do we allow ourselves to believe that one socioeconomic class deserves the most basic of human needs more than another?
There’s a common belief that the system is broken, and that’s not true; the system works exactly as it was designed to work. As long as we, the people, continue to treat each other as if we are more or less deserving as the next guy, the system is working. Our country is based on divisions created by wealth and race, and it’s operating like a well-oiled machine. As Dr. King said, “What good is having the right to sit at a lunch counter if you can’t afford to buy a hamburger?”
My challenge for you is to take some time to reflect on how you view the value of the lives around you.
Cruise the classifieds and consider what your options would be.
Pay attention to those people in the customer service industry and imagine the things they have to deal with on a daily basis.
Have a conversation with your favorite waitress or cashier or childcare worker and ask them what would make their lives better.
And ask yourself if you’re expecting them to carry the weight or if you’re willing to conceive of a new design, one which demands that our leaders put our money where our poor mouth is.
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